**warning… trigger post**
The time has come to make the happy announcement… I am 12w3d pregnant!! We are, of course, totally thrilled but also caught in this place between thrilled and terrified. This is what we’ve been working towards for 5 years and this is what we’ve been working towards for 5 years. Is this really happening? The doctor says yes. I kid you not, I sometimes wonder if he images on the ultrasound machine are real or if he just puts those there to make people feel good. So irrational.
Success was had with IUI which was great and a less invasive, less expensive process. Of course I needed all the drugs they could give me but that’s ok. Betas rose well, I had 6. Then I started feeling a pain in my lower left side right about 6 weeks. I have felt that ache before and it was an ectopic pregnancy. No bleeding or anything (but I didn’t have that before) so I called my nurse and exactly 6 weeks ago I went in for an ultrasound. That day, the image of our family went from 2 to 4! Twins! Two beating hearts. Baby B, however was a little small but “not too worry”. The doc decided to see my weekly which was great. At 7w3d we went in and Baby B’s short little life had come to an end. Baby A, however was doing great! Such a bittersweet appointment. There was grieving for the life we were imagining but also joy for the babe who was still with us. A couple of days after each appointment was good. Things were good and then a couple of days before the next the dread, the anxiety the what if’s started creeping in. After 4 ultrasounds (sounds insane to a fertile) I graduated from my RE and was sent to a maternal fetal medicine clinic for my first trimester screening. This happened last week. The ultrasound was great! The doctor at that clinic felt like we would “sail through the rest of the pregnancy”. Words that were music to my ears.
We got the results of the blood screen (protein analysis) which checks for markers of Trisomy 13, 18 and Downs. We couldn’t do Materniti21 because the DNA from the twin would have interfered (no gender reveal for a while). The results from the test were fine… not great but fine enough. Risk of either Trisomy was 1/9000 while risk of Downs was 1/176. That’s only .05% however a positive result, meaning insignificant risk, is anything over 1/200 and a negative result, meaning high risk, is anything lower than 1/50. We are in the high end of the grey area. No discussion of an amnio at this time (I am not doing one anyway) but we will do a second trimester blood screening to see how that all plays out. Downs is certainly not the end of the World, I do a lot of work with people with disabilities and they live such full lives that it’s not that. We need to know so we can prepare for any health implications (heart defects being one). I am getting ahead of myself here but we’ve been in the .05% before so it doesn’t seem all that small.
At the end of the day, we are so excited about this baby. I am hoping for the day that I can just be thrilled and excited and buy stuff without so much worry. I hate depriving my baby of all of my positive energy but it is what it is. It’s hard to trust that the good data is real. First real OB appointment on Monday! Maybe after that appointment (oh and when my fetal doppler gets here) I will start feeling more secure and actually believe that this story I just told is about me.
I have had really no pregnancy symptoms except for being tired and sore boobs. Oh and last week dinner was a no-go. LOL. This week I feel pretty good. I can’t complain about this pregnancy at all (as if I would). Maybe I have paid my dues and in return have bought myself a smooth pregnancy. Lol! A girl can hope!!