Not Pregnant, hives and a big family

Hey everyone!  I hope you have all be well.  I know some of you have had some great news lately and I have been celebrating with you!  For those who haven’t had the best of news, I get it.  You are not alone.  Anyway, time for an update… in bullets cause that’s what I’m doing.

  • Not pregnant anymore!  Woohoo!  My hcg was finally less than 5 last Thursday.  I started injections for our IVF cycle on January 6.  I had surgery for an ectopic pregnancy on February 20 and then a dose of methotrexate on March 6th.  That was a long ass cycle.  Seriously.  My doctor was unconcerned with the amount of time it took to get back to this “normal” state so I guess that’s a plus.  Now onto the next thing…
  • I had hives.  Not sure why but I came down with a nasty case and have been on prednisone for about a week.  That is some good shit!  I have been productive and moving quickly and talking a lot.  Can you say hyper?  Wowza.  Give me some of those meds during tax season and I’ll be a machine!
  • A big family – I want one.  There, I said it.  Going through this journey, I have found myself resetting what I would call “life goals”.  I actually have very few of these things that have been aspirations/dreams/desires for the majority of my life and a big family is one of them.  I have one sister who I adore so I don’t know where this vision of lots of kids and then lots of grown up kids comes from but it’s there.  It’s been pushed down for a long time.  The longer it has taken to get pregnant, the more I have tried to reset the vision.  Even as I type this it feels selfish to want more than one.  It feels like I am counting my chickens before they hatch or being overly optimistic or rejecting the fact that one could very well be good enough.  Either way, this realization of what I want versus what I think I will achieve have begun to collide and I’ve stopped planning for what I think I can do and have started planning for what I want.  Next bullet…
  • We have two lovely frozen embryos just waiting to be transferred.  They will have to wait a little longer.  We’ve decided to proceed with a fresh transfer come September.  We want to keep those to-be-babes in the bank.  If this fresh cycle is successful (and we must assume it will be) then we have my 32 year old embryos waiting in the wings to be transferred in order to produce a sibling rather than starting from scratch with my potentially 34 or 35 year old diminished ovarian reserve.  I am working to shake the feeling that I am being wasteful or greedy but it’s my life, my body and my money.
  • I have been in contact with an adoption agency as well.  I just needed the information.  How much does it cost?  How long is the process?  What should I be doing now?  All that stuff.  Adoption is a very real possibility for us.  If our biology doesn’t prevail we will go this route and we will go this route potentially more than once.
  • I like our plan.  It is our plan right now and we all know how fast plans change.  I know that our family of two, while great, is incomplete.  I don’t know if one more or two more or three more or four more will complete it but I am satisfied to be on track to find out rather than fooling myself into thinking that one is the magic number.  I am o.k. to not know.  There is something freeing about allowing myself to consider the possibility of a very full house again.

So that’s where we are at!