Are you kidding me?!?!?

We are now two weeks past surgery and my hcg has gone up!!  UP!  This is ridiculous.  It was at 3700 one week past my surgery and now it’s at 5500.  The nurse called me today with the results from my morning blood draw and the doctor wants to see me tonight for an ultrasound.  I have no idea what this means except my body is clearly fucked up.  Seriously screwed up to the max.  The nurse said the doctor will likely want to do the methotrexate injections.  Hey, universe!  Enough already!!!  Let me get back to normal.  Please.  It is the busiest time of year for work for me and I have to be out of town at a client next week.  This is beyond inconvenient.  This is fucking ridiculous.  I am so angry and there’s no one to be angry at except my shitty body. WORK!!!  Function like a normal person!!  So frustrating.  Sigh.

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12 thoughts on “Are you kidding me?!?!?

  1. I know how frustrating this is. I’ve recently had a molar pregnancy and ten days after a medical miscarriage my hCG levels were 34,000. Your anger is completely understandable, it’s hard enough to lose a much longed for pregnancy but when you aren’t able to move on due to ongoing medical problems it’s even harder. One thing to be aware of for the future is that mentally you might be feeling like you’re over the initial sadness of the miscarriage and ready to get back to normal life but try to be prepared for a new wave of sadness when your hCG finally drops. Although it might not feel like it, pregnancy hormones make you happy and when they finally go the emotions you experience can be unexpected and quite crushing. Try not to be hard on yourself. Mentally you may have lost your baby weeks ago but your hormones and telling you you’re still pregnant. Take care.

    • Thank you so much for your comment. I didn’t realize that hCG was such an upper. This knowledge will help me be kinder to myself as we travel this road. I know with my last miscarriage I have thought to myself “you’ve been dealing with this for a while now, snap out of it!” and then I stuff all of my emotions back down. It took about 12 weeks for my hCG to go all the way down that time so I was very surprised when 3 months post news I was feeling like shit and very depressed and fought all those emotions. Thank you. This gives me the permission I think I will need to allow my body to feel what it feels. I appreciate your thoughts. 🙂

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