I feel like that. It’s a very fragile state of mind. It’s a bit like you are in a haunted house and you just know something is going to jump out and scare the bejeezus out of you and yet you still jump a mile high when it happens. I am in the waiting phase. I decided not to do anymore blood tests because we’ve had a decent run of doubling. I felt super anxious on Tuesday waiting for the test results and I just thought to myself (and this is a real quote) “I don’t need this shit”. Today would have been another test and I was feeling good about the fact that I didn’t go in for it until the spotting started. I know that can be normal and particularly if we had two embryos implant and one has stopped but still. Cause for concern? Maybe. Don’t know. Am I cramping? I don’t know. Maybe. I feel like I could be imagining cramping and possibly if I have to think hard about it, they aren’t real. I am trying to think positive thoughts and visualize flowers in my uterus or whatever I’m supposed to be visualizing but this pattern of good news/bad news is wearing me down. If the pattern were to continue then it’s time for bad news. I know that this is totally out of my control. I know that, right? O.k. I know there is very little that I can do or can’t do to impact the viability of this pregnancy, that I think I buy. Can any part of this be easy breezy? Nah, who need that? So, here I sit. Trying to work and keep my mind off whether or not those pangs are gas or cramps or a sign of an ectopic pregnancy. A day in the life.