The results are in…. positive! Yay. Beta 1 was 36 which according to my doc is “low” so we tested again today and it rose to 86. The rise was good but they like to monitor it until it gets over 100 so I may go back on Wednesday or maybe not because of the rise. The nurse will call me back. I also continued progesterone injections through last night as well. On Saturday the doc said we needed to be “cautious”. Is there a point when we can throw caution to the wind and start thinking this will all work out? I don’t think so. I am excited but more terrified. I felt anxious and nervous and all those things throughout this process but the fear did not set in until right now. I’ve been here before and it ended badly and it took me nearly a year (sounds like a ridiculous timeline but that’s what it took) for me to recover. I think because I have never felt the pain of a failed IVF cycle, I didn’t have a reference point for what that feels like so I felt anxiety but not fear. The fear I have now is that this pregnancy is real and it might fail. I know what that failure feels like. It might not fail and I will work each day to maintain a positive attitude but I won’t know for sure until there’s a baby…or two (I think that’s still a possibility? or do low numbers mean no?) here.
Thank you so much for all of your support, prayers and extra nice words during this time. It has really meant a lot. xoxo.