I peed

I wasn’t going to pee but for some reason on my way home from work yesterday I felt the need to pee on the stick. I had a very stressful day at work, it’s tax season… need I say more, and I really needed to get this whole waiting thing out of my system. It’s like I wanted one less thing to think about during my days as if the results would have helped with that. Well, it was negative. 7dp3dt. I was hoping that it was because it was late in the day and I was overly hydrated and that it was too soon so instead of going back to my plan of just waiting for the beta, I peed again this morning. Still negative. As terrible as it sounds and as hopeful as I want to be, I feel like my body just isn’t work right. I have been having some slight cramping today but that tells us nothing. Now I will wait. No more peeing. For those of you that have been through this, you can figure out with my beta will be but I have chosen not to tell anyone that is aware of this journey when it is. I want to be able to let people know the good news or the bad news on my own terms. I doubt I will be able to keep it to myself for very long though. I am trying to rally the hope but my heart hurts.

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22 thoughts on “I peed

  1. I have been there, recently, exactly where you are, but I am still holding out hope that this wait ends differently for you. I know it’s hard to rally the hope for yourself so the rest of us out here will do it for you.

      • It is so, so very hard – and the emotions, oh my god. I am right there with you as someone that is usually completely in control and the emotional wreck that I felt after the transfer and then through Christmas was so awful. Am thinking of you and continuing to hope for the perfect outcome.

      • Still thinking of you here from the vacation. I’m still hoping for your miracle but if it hasn’t happened sending love and a shitload of wine when I get back. And we will figure out some date for me to drive down to see you in Oregon.

      • Thank you, that means a lot. Results were positive but my beta’s have been low. Doubled but low. More info later today about testing again, continuing progesterone, etc. I don’t feel excited and I feel horrible about that. I didn’t have the fear aspect during this whole treatment because I didn’t know what it felt like for this not to work but I know what miscarriage feels like. I don’t want to sound ungrateful or anything it’s just weird. I feel weird about it. On another note: Enjoy your vacay (too bad about those Broncos but we don’t need to discuss that). Drink up and soak up those rays!! Safe travels home!

      • Holy shit – positive beta is great news!! I know it’s hard to be excited, I would totally be the same if I were you. I will be excited as shit for you out here in the sun and am sending everything I’ve got for that beta to go up a ton! I can’t seem to get my reader to work well out here (internet is crap) but can get comments on my phone so will check in here to see how the testing goes.

      • I am pretty sure all that positive thinking from a sunny (emphasis on sunny) place made all the difference! Fer realz. I went from 36-86 so that was great! The doctor gave me the option of testing again on Wednesday if I wanted to but that he doesn’t think I need to. Another blood test, another prick in the arm? Don’t mind if I do, thankyouverymuch. What’s one more poke? I want them to take my blood every day for the next 36 weeks but I suspect I will sound like a crazy person if I ask about the feasibility of that. I expect tomorrow to go fine and I hope that’s not a mistake but I have no reason to think it won’t then it’s 3-4 weeks for an ultrasound. I hope I am puking and exhausted the whole time. Like a hangover without the booze… 🙂 Thank you, thank you, thank you for all of your love and support. XOXOXO!

      • My levels fell. Down from 86 to 66. I don’t understand. I picked to have this test today the doctor didn’t think it was necessary. Wtf. I have to test again Friday but the doctor was not optimistic. Wow, this sucks so bad.

      • Your hoping paid off. I am so glad someone thought it possible that my test today might come out with good news cause I sure didn’t. My level went up to 148. WTF?! I am thrilled but very, very cautious. They don’t know really what this means except that it’s back in the realm of viable pregnancy. The numbers don’t work out from a doubling rate standpoint so we’re not out of the woods (not that we ever will be out of the woods) yet. They did caution of a potential ectopic and to be really aware of the symptoms because that can throw off your numbers too or it could have been a bad sample. This roller coaster hasn’t stopped yet which is good. I have no expectation for my Sunday test. I really don’t know what to expect. It seems when I expect the best, I get the worst and vice versa so maybe I should expect the worst? Too confusing. Anyway, that’s the latest. whew. I’m exhausted. Thank you for all of your support and hopes and positive vibes, they are making it through all the snow and getting to me! xoxo!

  2. I can imagine that going through all this during busy season makes it even more difficult. My husband is a tax consultant and we are waiting until May to try ivf. Nothing anyone can say or do can magically fix this problem but know that you are not alone.

  3. I’m so sorry hon. I too peed and got bfn’s yesterday and today (5dp5dt and 6dp5dt). My blood test is tomorrow. I’m trying so hard to stay hopeful too, but it’s waning. Why can’t this all just be simple for once? Waiting and praying with you.

    • Thank you. I will hope for you and you hope for me and maybe it will make up some of the deficit of hope we have for ourselves. Keeping my fingers crossed for both of us. Hang in there!

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