2013 came and went and to tell you the truth it was pretty much all a big fog. A total blur of tears and sunless days. The fog has been clearing over the last couple of weeks but last the couple of weeks of 2012 were awful so while 2013 was better I feel like I had some PTSD over what was going on in 2012 and found myself reflecting on that rather than enjoying the end of 2013. Whatever. 2014 is here and it’s a clean slate. It’s day 2 and it hasn’t pissed me off yet so we are off to a good start. Resolutions, you ask? Yeah, I don’t have any. Be nice to people is always a good one and perhaps I will adopt it again this year but it wasn’t super effective last year so meh. Anyway, I am looking forward to 2014… the year of ‘B’. Baby or Belgium. If our IVF cycle is unsuccessful we will be going to Belgium with some friends in June. If it is successful we won’t be going and we will hopefully end up with a baby. Time will tell.
On that note: Today is the last day of the birth control pills. Baseline u/s on Saturday and stimming starts Sunday if all is good up in the U. I plan to spend Saturday and Sunday doing some bulk freezer cooking like a regular Pioneer Woman. This activity is 3 fold… if the cycle is successful, I might not feel like cooking. If the cycle is not successful, I might not feel like cooking. Tax season is starting, I might not feel like cooking. Oh and there’s a 4th, I rarely ever feel like cooking. This is an attempt to make it so easy to throw a healthy meal in the crock or in the fridge to throw in the oven that we can’t not do it. Hmm, we will see. I’ve got it all planned out… Maybe I’ll blog about it. Eh, probably not, it’s really not going to be that interesting.
In an attempt to prepare for the upcoming cycle, I bought the Circle + Bloom meditation for IUI/IVF mp3. I am trying to reserve my natural judgy judgments and just listen to it and try it. Meditation has never been my thing but I never had someone guiding me. I started it last night and I am pretty sure I fell asleep… fail. The voice says loud and clear “try to stay awake!” oops. I was tired. Oh well, I have 18 more sessions to stay awake for. In addition to the meditation I will continue my counseling and acupuncture. It’s like a self-care trifecta. With that, I am as ready as I can be to start injecting myself (I won’t actually be doing the injecting, my husband will) with artificial hormones and have frequent experiences with the dildocam! Let’s do this.