The last year has been hard but not any harder than anyone else’s year. We all have things that we deal with that feel bad or hard or unmanageable. I’ve been working on exercising more and taking vitamin D and iron and telling myself that these things are going to lift this cloud, give me energy and help me see all the great things in my life. Well, they don’t damn it. My RE says I need counseling. He says I haven’t dealt with the grief surrounding the loss of a pregnancy, he pin pointed all of my symptoms, he called his person and referred me. I asked him if it was cool if I lied to her. He laughed and said yes, that lying was part of the game. Anyway, I talked to her and set up an appointment and have to fill out a questionnaire. The weird part is that I don’t feel like I am in such dire straights that I need her. That’s probably not weird on second thought. Do people really thing “hey, I’m bat shit cray cray sign me up with a counselor!”? Well maybe they do. What do I know? Anyway, I don’t want to need her. The idea makes me feel weak and needy. I don’t think people who go to counseling or weak and needy but I project that on to myself for some reason. Maybe I should talk to her about that too… I can hear myself now “Oh I’m fine. I have endless energy and I want people around all the time. I have big dreams and hopes and I love every minute of my life.” Those are the lies I will be inclined to tell her. I will also be inclined not to swear but I should be myself, right? This will be a good step outside of my comfort zone… unless I lie and stay right where I am right now.